Picking up the pieces

    It was a good day to be me today, although the weather had me wishing I never got out of bed this morning, I had a good breakfast and a positive attitude to get me by. To top things off, I got to spend time with one of my oldest middle school friends (who I haven't seen in 6 months.)
 
   I reflected on my day and I realized I probably had one of the best conversations with my friend than I've ever had in my lifetime.
                                         

    Can you forgive, and really forget?

   This question stuck to me all day. I've forgiven but have I really ever gotten over it? I mean we go through a ton of crap in our lives, but there are certain situations in which you can literally feel your heart breaking into little pieces, more than any other "devastating moment" you think you've ever had. Maybe this was caused by a huge disappointment, cheating scandal, death of a family member, or even a lie. Whatever the case may be have you ever asked yourself if you've completely gotten over it?

    I can relate very closely to this question. I know I've had some rough patches here and there, but there is one event that I knew broke my heart to pieces. When I look back at that moment all the same emotions run back through my body. Some of these emotions consist of an intense anger, and deep sorrow. Even though this "person" tried to make up for the mistake, a little bit of remorse stuck with me...and I can't help it. I can see why trust has been such an issue for me, along the sides of loyalty. 

   So why am I lying to myself, If I know I'm not happy?

   Who am I doing this a favor for? 

   Pretending that situation no longer hurts me has gotten me no where, imagine how much differently my life could be if I can take another route that doesn't involve me lying to myself.

   I'm typically the type of person who doesn't believe in second chances, so why am I being a hypocrite and contradicting myself?!

  I guess I do it because I feel too old for change and by change I mean starting over completely. I've lived my life in this routine for so long why change it now? Sometimes I don't understand why I'm not selfish. I tend put others before myself, but at the end of the day you realize life is too short to suffer. 

    You know when we were little kids and we put our imagination to use to create our dream goal? What happened to that side of us? It's still there, all you have to do is channel your inner 6 year old and have the sky be the limit. If you believe it you will achieve it, and I know how cliche that can sound but if you once believed you could color inside the lines, you can believe you will once again reach that state of genuine happiness. The kind that's so genuine you forget about all the other bullshit that ever got in your way.  

   I've promised myself to be the person I know I can be. There is no such thing as giving up. Slowly but surely I am picking up the pieces of happiness that shattered but I know I can put back together. Happiness hasn't really left me behind, you have to think of yourself as an inspiration. do what makes you happy!